Jason Cole
(Taxidea neanderthalensis) makes his home range in the Sierra Nevada Mountains of California, where he is often mistaken for Bigfoot. Eyewitness accounts corroborate he smells like roadkill and often responds to coyote calls. When he isn’t writing or eating raw salmon, he finds a cave and hibernates. If you happen upon him in the wild, DO NOT APPROACH HIM. Instead, sing Justin Bieber songs until he runs away screaming, and contact the California Department of Fish and Game immediately.